The Cruel Hand of Fate
by Suzotchka
Summary: Susan and John deal with the cost of allies for their Army.
1. Default Chapter

The Cruel Hand of Fate.

The Cruel Hand of Fate chapter one

Disclaimer: Not mine

Author's note: * means the race of the Ambassador, Susan had to deal with, the one who spoke through someone else and sealed negotiations with sex. Anyway, I can't remember his race so I am using * to stand for it. If anyone knows please let me know.

John sighed a sigh of relief, grateful that the negotiations were over. They desperately need the * s help. Over the past week he had been sealing the deal. Remarkably, it had been seeing Down Below that caused them to agree. Go Figure. It was too much trouble to explain that Down Below was not a means of separating the " evils" of society from everyone else.

He had thought of telling Susan to deal with them. He had even approached her. She had been working on fixing a conduit and hopefully keeping the oxygen system from overloading. She had looked exhausted. Her fingers had been torn and her eyes had deep bags under them. He couldn't do it to her. 

So over the last week he had been dealing with the * Ambassador, who spoke through another. This had fascinated Stephen. But he had been watching the Ambassador. It was not the station or Down Below which fascinated him. It was Susan. About two or three times a day they had run into each other when he had the Ambassador and his friend with him. Each time Susan had been polite but had left quickly. He grinned. He knew why. Aside from the fact that she hated diplomats, she even more hated mental communication like the Ambassador and his friend had. 

Every time, they ran into her. The Ambassador 's eyes would be glued to her. Not that John could blame him. He had long ago decided that Susan was a beautiful woman. She was the subject of many of his fantasies. Better not think about that now. The Ambassador was talking.

" We will seal the deal traditionally. This can be done through intercourse between a member from each side of the negotiations. In this case your beautiful first officer."

John gasped. He shook his head in disbelief. The Ambassador added, as if sensing his reluctance to agree, " without it, we will be forced to withdraw our support."

Damn, the needed the * help. Needed it badly. John began to recover his wits and said, " It could be dangerous, the females of our species are notoriously for passing diseases to alien males. Diseases which do not effect humans but can be fatal to other species..."

He left it at that hoping that the Ambassador would leave it. He was wrong. The Ambassador considered this for a moment. In that case we will watch you with her. This evening will be convenient. 

The Ambassador swept out of the room, his friend following, leaving John alone in the room with his thoughts.

Damn. 


	2. TCHF 2

The Cruel Hand of Fate

The Cruel Hand of Fate chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, the people, the place and other minor details belong to JMS.

Commander Susan Ivanova stood on the deck of C and C. Her hair was up in a braided bun. The only one on deck in the black alliance uniform she stood out. Her hands moved across the controls easily as she gave brisk orders. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Captain John Sheridan enter. She grinned. It had obviously not been his day. She knew the final negotiations with the * were due to take place today. Must not have gone well. If she had the time she would have pushed for details but had to settle for a look in his direction questioning him on how it had gone.

He came near her and leaned in towards her as if wanting to confide something. His voice was low as he whispered, " My office, now we need to talk." In any other circumstance she would have made him wait but the pale of his face made her act otherwise. She motioned Corwin up with her hands and leaving him in charge walked out with John.

Entering his office he waved her towards the sofa. He joined her a moment later handing her a glass of orange juice. That action spoke out. Normally he asked her if she wanted any. Her response would depend on the time of day and her mood. Obviously something was effecting his frame of mind. She leaned back trying to get him to relax. He did the same but his posture remained stiff. She took a sip and spoke, " What is it?"

" I just finished negotiations with the *. They have agreed to help." 

" That's great."

He nodded but remained pale. " And?" she urged.

" To seal the deal he wants to see us together, you and me."

She nodded once and looked on, urging him to continue,

`" in bed."

She gasped.

" This evening." 

It was her turn to be pale.

" Actually he wanted to be with you, but I fed him something about disease thinking he would drop it but then he decided he wanted to watch us."

" Why? How?"

" I don't know. But without it he won't seal the deal."

" How badly do we need them?"

" Very badly."

She said nothing.

" Susan, we are going to have to do this."

She said nothing again. Hesitating a moment she nodded. " Where? When?"

" My quarters, 2000?"

She nodded.

" I'll let them know." 

She left. 

Damn.


	3. TCHF 3

The Cruel Hand of Fate.

The Cruel Hand of Fate 3

Disclaimer : own the plot, everything else is JMS's. There, I cannot be sued.

Susan returned to C and C. It was lunch break, although she had intended to skip it. Now her plans were absolute seeing as she was sure she couldn't hold water at the moment. She was pale and withdrawn, a fact now lost on the crew who stayed out of her way fearing a temper tantrum. But she was so lost in her thoughts that they were in no danger.

Michael came by in an annoying cheerful mood and invited her to dinner. She snapped a refusal, apologized for snapping but still refused to go. The day went by in such. She sent a team on a rescue mission. She did not go herself which raised a few eyebrows. Everyone knew how much Susan loved to fly. She almost always took the fighters out herself. But she didn't have time. The clock was ticking. It was 1800. The shifts had changed two hours ago. Her presence after hours was not unusual. She knew soon she would need to leave. 

Her and John. How dare that bastard of an Ambassador tell them what they had to do? That he force them in bed to seal a deal. It wasn't legal. It wasn't fair. If she didn't, if they didn't the alliance would fall apart. Without the * help they had no chance. Others would drop out. They couldn't do anything alone. 

John was experiencing similar anxieties. He spent the rest of the day dealing with Ambassadors. At 1800 he went to his quarters leaving strict instructions with everyone that he was not to be disturbed tonight short of a Shadow attack on the station. 

He entered his quarters. He wondered what he should do. Finally he pulled through his linen closet and found his only silk bedsheets. His mother had sent them. They were bright red. He had never used them before. Now he stripped his bed and made it up again with those sheets. He brought a chair and placed it in the bedroom a bit away from the bed. 

He went into the bathroom and checked that it was clean. Finding it so he lay out a large clean towel for her. He found a scented bar of soap and placed it in the shower. He began pacing. It was 1900. He wondered if he should change. He wanted to make this as easy as possible for them both. He thought it might be easier if they were able to make this distanced from their work. He pulled out a pair of trousers and a cotton dress shirt. 

He paced . He went into the kitchen. He had a bottle of Mimbari Juice. Extremely non Alcoholic. They would need to be sober for this. He placed it and three champagne flutes on a silver tray and placed it on the coffee table. He paced some more.

This was an outrage. He could not believe they were being bullied into this. But they had to . It the * didn't agree, not only would they not have their help but others would refuse to join on. Without allies they had no hope. 

Was it worth it? To force a woman, for that was what he felt he was about to do. He felt as if he was being forced to force a woman. Not just any woman. His first officer. It might have been easier if he could do this emotionlessly. But he has always had feelings for Susan. He had buried them so much he wasn't sure what they were. They were so buried they didn't effect their work relationship for which he was ever grateful.

It was 2000. The bell rang. Instead of calling the person to enter, he went over and pushing a button on the panel near the wall, manually let the person in.

The last hour had been no easier on Susan. Returning to her quarters at 1900 she paced in her bedroom. Should she change or go in uniform? It took a good fifteen minutes for her to decide to change her clothes. Then what should she wear? Nothing to showy. It took her another fifteen minutes to pull out a long black skirt. It had a wide waist band with accented her slim middle. It zipped in the back. It was of satiny material which went out and swept the ground hiding her three inch black stilettos. She wore a white silky shirt with it which she tucked in tight and wore her hair in a French Braid. She wore no make up. It was not her style. Once she would have. She used to have a sense of style and did occasionally experiment. But now she didn't have the time. Her hands too had not received the care they once might have. There was no nail polish on them. They were small but rough and spoke of the hard work she did. There were some scars and wounds which had been cleaned. 

Still it was nearly 2000 before she was ready. She was still trembling from nerves as well as from her outrage at the whole affair. 

She rose and walked next door to John's quarters. This might have been easier if she could do this without feeling anything. But she had always had feelings for him. She had buried them so deep so that it would not effect them that she was not sure how intense they were and what they meant. Now they pulled at her heart and made their presence known.

She rang his bell. She waited for him to call for her to enter. Instead the door opened as he stood on the other side. He smiled weakly at her and she returned it as he let her in and motioned for her to sit. He was wearing civvies too. There was a silver tray on the coffee table on which was a bottle and three flutes. He opened the bottle and poured her a glass handing it to her. He noticed her hesitation as he poured his own.

" Juice." 

She nodded in understanding and took a sip. It was good. The situation was not. She fell back against the sofa. 

" I can't believe we are doing this."

" I know." He paused a moment before going on. " Listen Susan. It'll be all right. We are good friends and colleagues. We just have to remember that. We can't let this effect anything. No one will know."

She looked only slightly appeased and he realized he looked the same. He let out a nervous laugh and heard her join him as the bell rang. Immediately they were both silent. 


	4. TCHF 4

The Cruel Hand of Fate

The Cruel Hand of Fate 4

Disclaimer: Not mine

They stood. John went to let their guest in. Susan stood slightly behind them.

" I am ready." the Ambassador announced walking in. 

" At least some one is." Susan muttered under her breath. 

John offered him a glass of juice. He took it and said, " Well."

John motioned him to the bedroom. He went in followed by John and Susan. 

" I have researched this. Humans have relations in bed. Most interesting . Well proceed." he said seating himself on the chair. 

John turned to Susan. She was trembling he realized. He lead her to the bed. She sat so primly it was laughable. He undressed her slowly. He did the same for himself. They both lay back.

Two hours later John sat in front of the monitor. It was over. It had been brutal and quick. Susan had not helped at all. She just lay there and let him take her. No emotion no nothing. The Ambassador had been pleased. He left after promising to stop by the next day to seal the deal.

John hadn't known what to do. Susan hadn't moved. He told her she could take a shower first. She did so. Ten minutes later she had come out wearing her clothes again with her wet hair loose. He had gone in the shower. When he came out, his bed sheets had been changed for his usual cotton sheets. The satin ones were in the wash. Her towel was in the dryer. The chair was back where it belonged. The three flutes had been washed. She was gone.

Susan felt terrible. It wasn't the sex. She had done that more than once half drunk in her youth waking up not knowing who she had been with. It was John. She knew what she felt now. She had been forced to sleep with the man she loved. The Cruel Hand of Fate. It ruined everything. Not only would they never be together. There was forever the memory of this night between them. It would never go away. She groaned and pulled out her vodka bottle and began to drink.

John groaned. He hated himself. He had just forced the woman he loved. Love. That was it. He loved her. But nothing could come of it now. He had forced her. She hated him. He remembered how quiet she had been. She hadn't moved. She looked so sad. She hated him. And he hated himself. 


	5. TCHF 5

The Cruel Hand of Fate.

The Cruel Hand of Fate 5.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Author's note: If anyone has any links for John and Susan fics let me know please. I would appreciate it.

The next day they met at breakfast with Michael and Stephen as planned to hold an informal meeting. They both tried to act normal and succeeded as neither Stephen or Michael noticed anything different. Both were pale from the night before. However, both buried themselves in their work as usual and no one thought anything of it.

John sealed the deal with the Lumati Ambassador. He spent the rest of the day with various ambassadors. 

Susan spent most of her day in C and C although she did meet with her pilots. She spent much of the day in repairs. There were always so many repairs. She could barely see straight when she collapsed into bed late that night.

Their days fell into such a pattern. They did not avoid one another but they made no effort to meet each other. 

Two weeks later Susan began to panic. She was late. She didn't pay much attention to her cycle but she was sure she was late. She had started to feel ill in the morning too. Really ill. She could barely force herself to stand let alone make it to work. But she managed. Another week went by in such a way. 

She was repairing a consul. She was not feeling wel. She was very dizzy. She remembered standing to get something . But that was it as she fell to the ground unconscious. 

Some time later a crewman found her and quickly carried her to medlab. Fortunately, Stephen was on duty and saw to her himself. When she regained consciousness he was sitting there. She asked him what was wrong and he told her.

That evening John was relaxing in his quarters. He had just finished dinner and was consuming a cola when the bell rang. He called the person to enter and she did so. John jumped up quickly when he saw it was Susan. 

He motioned her to a seat and got her a drink which she sipped at in silence before she said, " I went to Medlab today."

" Why, what's wrong , did Stephen make you?" 

" I didn't have much of a choice I lost conscious and was carried there."

" What? Are you all right?"

" Yes, I am fine." she hesitated a moment. " John. I'm pregnant. I got pregnant that night. I want to keep it. I can't abort it. It goes against everything I believe in. I won't tell anyone it is yours. I won't ask you for any help financial or other wise. But it is yours and I have to tell you." With that she got up and left. John was so flabbergasted he let her. Another mistake. Damn.


	6. TCHF 6

The Cruel Hand of Fate.

The Cruel Hand of Fate 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

It had been a month since Susan had told John in his quarters. Most of the crew still did not know. In fact only she, Stephen John and Michael knew. Only she and John knew who the father was. However she was relieved that Stephen and Michael were not only supporting but also unassuming and didn't try to bother her about who the father was. This surprised her seeing as being a blood hound was part of Michael's nature. 

The war was as bitter as ever. But the battle John was fighting internally was even worse. He felt terrible that he was allowing Susan to go through this alone. Part of him was telling himself that she didn't want him the other part was saying she had just said that so as not to inconvenience him. Only she was going to have a child alone. A child who would see him nearly everyday and never know he was it's father. He wouldn't be there for any of the important moments. It would never love him or call him daddy.

And Susan. He knew he loved her now. But did she love him? They were no longer Earth Force so that didn't matter any more. 

Surprisingly nothing had changed. They still saw each other both for work and leisure. Although due to the war the leisure was limited. It was at such a meeting when Susan was over four months along that John first saw sign of his child. 

They were at a Airhearts. Susan was wearing a sleeveless black dress that fell to her knees. It was loose so it was hard to see but when she sat down and leaned forward a bit he could see a little swelling around her waist. He had been unable to tear his eyes from the sight. 

That night as everyone was leaving he offered to walk her back. She looked at him questioningly, but he revealed nothing. He said something about the weapons and such until they reached her door, before he asked," Susan will you join me for dinner tomorrow?"

He quickly fell back a bit, expecting a slap or a punch. Instead he received a smile and a " sure, where?"

" Fresh Air. I will come pick you at 1900. okay?"

She nodded and entered her quarters thanking him. He smiled then raced back to his quarters with a smile on his face. 

The next day, John in a crisp suit of navy blue rang the bell at Susan's quarters. In his hand were a dozen red roses which out in space had cost him a small fortune. Oh well, he didn't have anything to spend it on. 

She called for him to enter. He did so and did not find her in the living room. The door to her bedroom was open. She was standing in front of the dressing table. He stood in the threshold. She turned and smiled. She was wearing a long sleeveless silver satin gown with matching earrings and a pendant neck less. 

Her hair was loose. Her lips were gently painted . She wore silver healed shoes. There was only the slightest hint of pregnancy only notice able to those who knew to look. She gasped at the flowers making him glad he had brought them. She thanked him and put the in a vase before he lead her out.

Two hours later he returned her to her quarters, terrified of wearing her out. They had spoken about their childhoods, about work, about academy. About anything but what they needed to talk about. He wasn't able to bring up the child or that he wanted to be part of both their lives. That he wanted to marry her and have a half a dozen children. Instead he listened to her talk about the sea in Saint Petersburg. He told her about the family farm and his parents and sister and two younger brothers. 

At least she didn't hate him. She hadn't mentioned the child either or his conception. She didn't say she loved him. But she didn't hate him either. At least that was something. 


	7. TCHF 7

The Cruel Hand of Fate.

The Cruel Hand of Fate 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 

Susan was now over six months along, into her third trimester. All the crew and inhabitants of the station now knew of the expected child. Only two knew who the father was. John did hear some speculation among the crew but he was sure to put an end to it, giving out harsh punishments to those he heard gossiping about Susan. He couldn't stand them slandering her in that way even though he knew the crew respected her and this did nothing to that respect. He also felt guilty that she was facing this alone.

And if he was honest with himself he was easily jealous. Like earlier that day, when they were at a briefing and Stephen put his hand on Susan's stomach and stroked it a few times feeling to see it the child was alright. Susan skipped most of the appointments she had due to lack of time. He wanted to see that she and the child were well. But that did nothing to help John who felt himself turn into a green envy monster.

Susan was getting things ready for the baby. Nearly everyday, either he, or Michael or Stephen would stop by with some little thing that a baby " must have." She had a rocking chair a dresser a stroller and a bassinet. He had already told her he would get the crib. Actually he was making it. He had gone out on a mission, and as Susan couldn't go , no one thought anything of it and brought plenty of wood with the other supplies, hiring a few men from down below to carry it to his quarters. He bought the mattress and the springs. The rest he was making. He found it soothing work. 

He often felt the urge to see if Susan and the baby were all right. During the day he would stop by wherever she was. At night it was harder. He would com her but that did little to sooth him. Through covert means he acquired a override card. 

The first day he had it he snuck into her quarters at 0200 in the morning. He slipped into her bedroom and stood at her bedside. She was asleep, lying on her side. She wore a silk negligee despite her condition and her stomach stretched the cloth. He did nothing but watch her breath in and out slowly before leaving an hour later. The same thing happened the second day.

The third day he entered her quarters and her bedroom to find her lying on her side facing the door as usual. But she was awake. She smiled and said, " I was waiting for you."

" When...?"

" Since you began." 

" Um.. I can explain...um.."

" I don't want an explanation. Sit down. "

He did so reluctantly, afraid to hurt her. She said nothing to him, not he to her. It was a companionable silence. An hour later he rose, bid her good night and left. They were closer than ever now. He wanted so much to confess his feeling to her. But that night had destroyed everything. That night he forced her. It was all he could think.

He had taken to pacing. He spent hours walking. It made him feel better. On such a walk, he ran into her. She was wearing a skirt and a blouse, as put together as always. He smiled and went over to her. She stopped as he said, " so you do leave C and C."

She laughed, " No choice, it just hit me this morning that I am going to have a baby in less than two months and I don't have any clothes for it." 

" Something we did neglect to get." 

She showed him what she did have, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, a baby bag, pacifiers, a bouncer. Now she was shopping for baby clothes. He looked at them. They were mostly yellow and white and green. There were also bibs, caps, shoes, and wrapping sheets. 

He helped her get the rest of the stuff. He carried it to her quarters for her. When they got there she invited him in and he accepted. 

She made dinner as he helped. Afterwards they sat on the sofa. He looked her in the eye and took her hand. He stroked it and ran his hand over it. It was hours before he left and when he did he said, " Susan, I want to see you again."

They both knew he meant as more than friends. To his surprise she agreed. He left her quarters for his own where he did a little victory dance. 


	8. TCHF 8

The Cruel Hand of Fate.

The Cruel Hand of Fate 8.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

John was nervous. This would be his first date with Susan. The dinner at Fresh Air didn't count. That was just a friendly dinner. This was special. This was the first time they were going out with the intent of going out. He decided for something less formal. Wearing slacks and a cotton dress shirt he rang Susan's bell. She opened it manually, and let him in. He looked at her. She wore a sleeveless, ankle length cotton dress. It was fawn covered with a pattern of coral design. Her sandals were flat slip-ons fawn colored sandals. Her hair was loose. 

She smiled at him. She stepped out and he followed. She wanted to go for a walk in the garden. He agreed. She quickly tired so they would walk a bit and then rest on a bench before continuing. He smiled as she removed her sandals and walked barefoot through the grass feeling a pang of guilt when he saw how swollen her ankles were. 

She didn't seem to notice. After their walk they went to a quiet restaurant. After they ate he walked her home. To his surprise she offered to cook the next day. He had mentioned how much he missed home cooking on their walk. He accepted.

The next day he entered Susan's quarters. She waved him towards the table and had him set it. She had made a light dinner. Salad and latkes. Jewish food. He found that he liked it a lot. 

Their dates went on in such a way. John began planning quietly. He went to a jewelers and purchased an engagement ring and then on whim two wedding bands. 

He was also making some sketches of their quarters though he mentioned nothing of it to her. He took her on several dates outside of work. The entire crew was beginning to gossip. Michael was the biggest one. He just wouldn't leave them alone. Every chance he got he teased them mercilessly. They still didn't know what exactly had happened. Susan had seen to it that no one had a clue and out of respect for her wishes John didn't mention it either.

He knew that he and Susan were meant to be together. He also knew what had happened that night eight months ago would effect them forever. He wasn't sure if they would ever be intimate even if they did marry. He didn't know if she would agree to marry him. He had never kissed her. Never told her he loved her. 

It was now eight months since that night. The war was still waging. He promised himself he would do it that night. He was the leader of the Army of Light damn it. He was not going to be intimidated about proposing.

They had gone out to dinner and now were in the garden. He was watching her. She looked relaxed as she studied the flowers intently, her mind wandering. It was almost time for him to walk her home. Stephen would be upset if she was out too late instead of resting. He thought about putting it off until another day. No, he told himself fiercely, he was not going to chicken out. 

" Susan," he said quietly. She turned to him and looked him in the eye, he started to give his planned speech but suddenly that seemed irrelevant. She was looking him straight in the eye and he could see that she could see everything he had to say.

" I love you." he said. It was all that really mattered. He took out the ring. " Will you marry me?" he asked taking out the ring. She nodded softly as he slipped it on her finger. 


	9. TCHF 9

The Cruel Hand of Fate.

The Cruel Hand of Fate 9.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

John gasped, shocked into silence over her acceptance. She laughed at his reaction. " I can't believe it." he said joyously laughing. She stopped laughing long enough to ask, " why did you ask if you didn't think I would agree?" 

" because I was hoping beyond hope that you would." then grinning he yelled, " we're getting married!!!" Susan laughed. Then to her surprise he leaned over and kissed her quickly on the lips. The baby kicked and John could feel it against his chest. He moved back and looked at her stomach reverently. Suddenly they were both hit by the fact that they had a child due in a month. They would have to move fast. 

He helped her up as she could no longer get up with ease by herself. He walked her back to her quarters. They had a lot of planning to do. Even more than she realized he thought as he found the sketches he had made some time ago. The crib was ready and the sketch was in part arrangements to have it moved.

They spent the night in her quarters, though he stopped in his quarters to change. When they stepped out they headed to John's office.

When they got there, brother Theo was already at John's desk. Susan and John took the seats across from it. Michael and Stephen had been commed and asked to come to his office but they took it for nothing more than a briefing. They were shocked to find Theo in John's chair and Susan and John across him. John smiled and asked them to seat themselves on the sofa.

They watched in shock as Theo began. He was marrying them. The ceremony was simple. Both wore dress uniform and exchanged rings. When it was over they were asked to sign the certificate as witnesses. They did so. Afterward John announced that they were going on a trip for two weeks and that Michael and Stephen were in charge. 

He had arranged a cruise type trip on a luxury ship which was leaving from the station in six hours. He had booked a room for them. While in her quarters he had helped her pack her things. Now he was going to pack his own things and take care of a few other things. First he spoke to Michael, Stephen, Corwin and a few maintenance workers, showing them his sketches and plans. Next he went to the evening gown boutique in the Zocolo. After his successful shopping there he headed to a jewelry shop. He went back to his quarters and packed the things he had bought. By this time it was 1300 hours and he and Susan needed to board. He went to her quarters to pick her up and had a couple of crewmen take their things to the ship. Doing something he really didn't want to do, but not wanting Susan to have to stand in long lines, he had Michael clear them through security and took her straight to their room. 

Author's note: I am sorry that I didn't research the Ambassador's race, ( Lumati). It was not my intention to be lax. It simply slipped my mind that it is possible to find this sort of thing and I did not mean to not put effort in this story. I have tried to make it the best I can and I assure you I did put a fair amount of effort into it. I am sorry if you feel otherwise and hope you will read and enjoy this story. 


	10. TCHF 10

The Cruel Hand of Fate 

The Cruel Hand of Fate 10

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot

As soon as Susan got to the room she collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep. John was pleased. It gave him a chance to organize himself. Everything had happened so quickly. Less than a day ago he had been a bachelor. Now he was a married man with a child on the way. He would have still been the father if he and Susan had not married, but now he could be the official father. He could be the daddy, who played with and took care of the child. 

He looked at Susan and smiled. He couldn't blame her for being exhausted. They had been up all night planning the wedding and the trip as well as the plans for the station. He too was tired but he thought he could better use the time.

He began to unpack their bags. First he unpacked his clothes. Day clothes, undergarments, night clothes, suits and a tuxedo. He got his shoes and toiletries. He then unpacked his few personal belongings. Next he unpacked Susan's things. It felt weird to him to be touching and going through her private things. She had some day clothes, mostly skirts and blouses. There were two negligees. Both sleeveless silk that would reach her ankles. There were undergarments and shoes. There were toiletries such as toothbrush, paste. She had her hair brush and a few hair barrettes. 

Next he went through the recreational objects she had brought. First of all their was a Hebrew Torah which surprised him. He knew she was Jewish, but he didn't know she was that orthodox. There were some books to read. There was also a sketch book and colored pencils. That caught his curiosity. He opened it cautiously. In the beginning there were some sketches of Earth, from the dates done from memory. There were some of Saint Petersburg and people who from the look of them he assumed to be her family. Later on it the book there were some of different places she had been stationed, and people she had met there. Near the end were pictures of Babylon 5. There were some of the fighters, the places. The actual station itself. There were some of the people, Jeffery Sinclair, the former Commander of the station. There were some of her crew and of Michael and Stephen. There were some of him. The latest ones were of babies, different combinations of their child and how it would look with a mixture of both their features. All the pictures were really good. She could have been an artist. A really good one. 

It was near 1800. He put it away and unpacked the items he had purchased that day. Three maternity evening gowns, shoes, and matching jewelry for each. The first gown which he lay out for that night was a sleeveless navy blue dress which reached her ankles. The shoulders and the part which covered her chest was velvet with beads of navy blue as well. The rest of the dress was navy blue silk. The jewelry was a simple choker necklace with navy blue jewels set in silver. There were low heeled matching shoes. 

The rest of the stuff he put in the closet. There was a floor length silk silver dress. It was sleeveless and the skirt made natural pleats as it moved. There were matching shoes and a gray pearl necklace, earrings and a bracelet. The third dress was also floor length . It was bottle green silk with parts of the bodice, such as the sleeves which fell off the shoulders and lay between the shoulders and the elbow. There was matching emerald jewelry and shoes.

He woke her up. There was to be a formal dinner that night. It would start at 2000, but people would start gathering after 1900. She seemed slightly startled. Even more so when she saw the dress. He smiled and gently ushered her to the bathroom before she could say anything. She came out in the bathrobe and after he told her to dress in the gown he had lain out with the shoes and jewelry he too went to take a bath. When he came out, she was dressed and wore the jewelry. She was sitting on the bed doing her hair and makeup. He was dressed but needed to comb his hair, put on his shoes, tie, cuff links and coat. He did so as she finished dressing and watched him. The only thing she had not put on were the shoes which her swollen ankles and feet did not want to wear. He finished dressing and came over to her. Without saying a word he knelt before her and massaged each ankle and foot before slipping it into a shoe, helping her up and leading her out. 


	11. TCHF 11

The Cruel Hand of Fate

The Cruel Hand of Fate 11

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

They were at the Captain's table. There was soft music playing. The people were friendly. Perhaps too friendly. Susan was relieved that John stayed by her side, holding her hand. The last few days had been a daze for her. One minute they were in the garden, the next he proposed, the next they were married, and from the way she was feeling right now, the next could be the baby.

Their relationship would not be idyll. She knew that now. That night was between them. They could love, cherish and honor. But she was sure they would not be together again for a long time if ever. Even now, the furthest they had gone was handholding. That was all they could manage right now. It made her sad, but at least they were together.

She was wearing a navy blue dress John had given her. There was matching jewelry. It was beautiful. She was touched by his thoughtfulness. 

He walked her back to their quarters. They both quickly went to sleep. When Susan woke in the morning, John was up and dressed. He was sitting on the sofa. When he saw she was awake, he smiled and rose. " Good Morning. I have already ordered breakfast.. It will be here soon. Why don't you take a shower? There's plenty of real water." 

She nodded half dazed. She got out of bed and showered, savoring the warm water. When she stepped out she dressed in a long, sleeveless cotton print dress of a light blue. She wore slip on, nearly heelless white sandals . She brushed her long hair and stepped out into the room. 

When she stepped out into the room, breakfast was set out on the table for two. John helped her sit and the began. 

The rest of their two weeks passed in such. They were more like best friends than a married couple. John had shown her the gowns he had purchased for her. She thanked him and he was pleased she liked them. There was another function on board and she wore the emerald green gown. They took walks of the gardens and observation domes, and enjoyed not having work to do.

On the day they were to arrive, John asked Susan to wear the lavender gown. She did so. Their things were sent ahead as they slowly walked to the door of John's quarters, where John took her. Most of the inhabitants of the crew were quite surprised to see the iron lady in a silk gown, but no one, not even Michael and Stephen who came to meet them. 

When they got to their quarters, John opened the door, and then to Susan's surprise, lifted her up and carried her over the threshold to the sofa, where he put her down gently. He stepped back and let her look over things. The furniture was new. The kitchen was larger and their was a hole in the wall. She walked around slowly. Her kitchen and his had once been adjacent, with only a wall between them. Now the wall was down. It was one large kitchen. There was a hall between where their had once been a wall. It lead to Susan's quarters. They too were furnished with new things. Her section was obviously meant to be a recreational side. There was living room furniture and a table for four, as well as the two barstools on her side of the kitchen. . Her piano was still their. But their was also a pool table, a game they both enjoyed, and a pinball machine. John followed her silently as she explored. Next she went into what had once been her bedroom. It was no longer. It had been turned into a nursery for the baby, done completely in white. His crib set up, a rocking chair, curtains, toys, clothes and other necessities which were put away. She put her hand to her mouth as John nervously explained, " Your stuff is in my bedroom. I hope you don't mind. I thought we would need to live together with the baby coming. And with a child we will need somewhere to conduct business if we can't leave so I thought we could have my quarters be the formal side and this could be the living side. Your office and mine are untouched," he finished referring to the offices that were next to their bedrooms in their quarters.

" It's beautiful." 

John grinned bashfully, obviously pleased. 


	12. TCHF 12

The Cruel Hand of Fate

The Cruel Hand of Fate 12

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 

The next few weeks passed with a newly established routine. They both reported to duty at eight hundred in the morning, later than Susan was used to. They both returned at eighteen hundred in the evening, earlier than Susan was used to. If their were any calls during the night, John went instead of Susan. 

Susan had been prepared for a long labor, as her mother had had. Several days long. When she felt the first contraction, she did nothing. It was in the middle of the night. She lay there quietly, trying hard not make disturb John. They both went to duty that day, John not suspecting a thing. By that night it was much harder to ignore. She got out of bed and walked into the nursery, in a mental full panic mode. 

She was afraid. Not of the pain. She could take that. She could and had endured more pain that most people could imagine. She was afraid of being a mother. She wasn't a nice, quiet woman who would devote her life to being a wife. She was a warrior, a fighter, a pilot, a commander. 

She was afraid the child would come to hate her. Everyone else did. And those who loved her were always hurt. She hurt people. She had always blamed herself for her mothers death because it had been for her sake that her mother had killed herself. So that the Corp would not bother her. 

She already knew she would do the same for her own child if it came to that. But would her child love her? Or would it resent her, as many did , as many had come to.

She was in the rocking chair, facing the stars, slowly rocking back and forth. So intent on her thoughts, she did not hear John walk in until he was kneeling next to her. One look at him and she knew he knew. She said nothing. Neither did he. She just sat there rocking as he held her hand. It was time for them to get ready but John ignored the computer completely except to turn off the alarm.

John had woken in the middle of the night to find his wife gone. He slipped out of bed and walked to the nursery, where he could hear a slight creaking, consistent with the rocking of a rocking chair. He went to her and knelt next to her. He knew without asking that she was in labor. She met his eye briskly before returning to her rocking and staring out the windows in deep thought. He took her hand, falling into a companionable silence with her. His thoughts wandered. He was afraid. Afraid for Susan. For what she was going through and what she was about to go through. Were it in his power he would gladly go through it himself then have to watch her. 

He was not even sure he could endure that kind of pain. He was rarely in any pain. He wasn't as brave as Susan who would fly up in front of a crewman to save him from an exploding consul. It was the type of thing she had done many times and endured great pain for it. She was the type of person who would fight for anyone who needed her help. Whether a lost child down below in danger of being kidnapped or an Ambassador at Airhearts. 

He was afraid of what type of father he would be. He worried what would happen to a child in the middle of a war. He wondered how much time he and Susan had to give. He wondered what would happen to him and Susan. He still wasn't sure where they stood.

They sat there for hours. The alarm went off. He turned it off and silently let Susan know he would not allow her to report for duty, nor did he have any intention of leaving him herself. C and C, a few diplomats and Michael called to see where they were and John angrily told them that he and Susan were unavailable. 

He offered several times to get her something. She refused each time. Susan wondered if he would come with her. Her question was answered around mid afternoon when her water broke. By then, the contractions were moments apart and strong. A lesser woman would have been screaming. But this was Susan and she was perfectly composed as John helped her change and took her to medlab. 

It was just past midnight when their daughter was born. Stephen had not left for a moment, even if he should have. He had no intention of missing his godchild's birth. Neither did John, who sat there and held Susan's had the entire time. By the time the child was born they were both exhausted. It was all they could do to hold her once, before falling asleep themselves. 


End file.
